is it really that hard not to ignore your friend?

ive been a backround in a friend group leaving me out and only talking ro me when they needed me i hate it....i just wanna leave the group but have no confidence to do so...i hate it when people give me looks just by asking something like i did something wrong i hate it...i dont wanna go out of the house scared that people would stare and judge me sometimes i just wanna be someone else someon prettier have confidence and smart so i woudn't be scared to be judged by other people.....ive always envy my classmates their so carefree an having not to worry about something else,have a lot of friends that cared about them.....sometime i want to be the center of attention but at the same time not considering how i look,sometimes i just wanna rip my face of an get a new one i hate how i looked how im so ugly an not even academically smart hayyss...i hate it all.....