i don’t know anymore
sorry, english is not my first language so if i’ve made some mistakes, i apologize.
i’m tired. i haven’t slept so much lately. i have insomnia and sometimes i wake up shaking entirely because of auditory and visual hallucinations. they are not creepy or anything but it’s just the sleeping part that i can’t seem to do. during the day i am so tired, dull and emotionless but i try to act alright. i try to exercise more during the day, i eat healthy and i consume less caffeine just so i can sleep better but i just feel so sick for some reason. i feel nauseous all the time, like i’m going to throw up any minute. i also have this aching feeling in my chest and it spreads to my throat and it just makes me unbearably sad. it makes me rot in bed and just forget i exist and sink my entire existence in it.
but my psychologist thinks i’m doing better. everything is going great in my life and she is right. what is wrong with me? why am i this way? i am only this way when i’m alone with myself. but being alone is still essential, it’s tough. i don’t know how to explain this to her and i feel. i’ve been feeling this way for a long time and i didn’t tell her this because i was waiting for it to go away but it slowly became even worse in me. i’ve been self harm free for a really long time, but it’s been hard and i don’t want to lose it. i am doing great. what is going so wrong? just why?
i’m tired. i haven’t slept so much lately. i have insomnia and sometimes i wake up shaking entirely because of auditory and visual hallucinations. they are not creepy or anything but it’s just the sleeping part that i can’t seem to do. during the day i am so tired, dull and emotionless but i try to act alright. i try to exercise more during the day, i eat healthy and i consume less caffeine just so i can sleep better but i just feel so sick for some reason. i feel nauseous all the time, like i’m going to throw up any minute. i also have this aching feeling in my chest and it spreads to my throat and it just makes me unbearably sad. it makes me rot in bed and just forget i exist and sink my entire existence in it.
but my psychologist thinks i’m doing better. everything is going great in my life and she is right. what is wrong with me? why am i this way? i am only this way when i’m alone with myself. but being alone is still essential, it’s tough. i don’t know how to explain this to her and i feel. i’ve been feeling this way for a long time and i didn’t tell her this because i was waiting for it to go away but it slowly became even worse in me. i’ve been self harm free for a really long time, but it’s been hard and i don’t want to lose it. i am doing great. what is going so wrong? just why?
