Im 19 and i feel like i have wasted my life

So...I dont really know what is going on with me, some days i am happy as a daisy but on some i just feel empty and all alone. I have/had friends that i feel like were using me and i have lost most of my friends from childhood, high school and primary school. I can't make friends because i come of awkward and i dunno what to say in a convo so i avoid em like the plague. I try out new things which i eventually stop doing because i either doubt myself too much or i inhibit myself from doing nor accomplishing them.....i hate confrontations because i dont like fighting or being yelled at because i just go quiet amd mostly tear up and cry when alone......God I am misery's definition