Im 19 and i feel like i have wasted my life

So...I dont really know what is going on with me, some days i am happy as a daisy but on some i just feel empty and all alone. I have/had friends that i feel like were using me and i have lost most of my friends from childhood, high school and primary school. I can't make friends because i come of awkward and i dunno what to say in a convo so i avoid em like the plague. I try out new things which i eventually stop doing because i either doubt myself too much or i inhibit myself from doing nor accomplishing them.....i hate confrontations because i dont like fighting or being yelled at because i just go quiet amd mostly tear up and cry when alone......God I am misery's definition

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PrestonJ · 36-40

You don’t sound like misery’s definition. You sound just like everyone at some point in their life. Every one of those things you listed is a challenge. They will feel uncomfortable until you do them over and over again. I felt awkward for a long time too lol, but then I told my therapist that and now everytime I see her she tells me I’m so awkward and it’s lost its power over me because when she says it doesn’t actually matter to me, it was a fear of being called awkward and in reality who cares if someone says your awkward a few times in the 80 - 90 years you will be alive