Where are they?

i always find comfort by myself just by being alone
but then i hate the feeling lonely
i have friends they are actually fun to be with but all of us are mentally unstable sometimes i was thinking when will i have friends that has good influence. when my friends asking for help i always give them advice and ask how are they but when i open they will say their problems too and just ignored mine. i just want to be selfish again
when i need help where are they?
......
even with my bf when im with him
when hes not okay i ll be there for him
but now when im silently im not okay he never ask how i was feeling
im not happy, im not getting butterflies but i choose to stay because i was expecting that our relationship would stay longer.
i want to be selfish person again
but cant do that because i will lose people in my life again and i will be lonely in my life again.