i am just tired...
I am very tired of my life at this point in time. i have too many problems that feels like they are hurting me mentally and physically and i have barely any energy and motivation to resolve them.
My first problem is my probably my mental state and just loneliness i quess. idk why but i feel like its almost impossible for me to make new friends. i mean. i do have friends but idk. When the only friend that you hang out in school is your ex that has a new boyfriend not even that far from your breakup, it hurts almost every time i am around her. and the problem with the other friend is even though he is my best friend for now 10 to 11 years, he is in a different highschool than me and he is busy bc well things like more demanding school among other things. anywho my problem is i have barely any friends and i dont know how to make them. im bad at communicating and being social so those get in the way. and even if could imagine that i would being nice to be around or smth i am almost deathly afraid to make the first move to even make conversations.
second is probably my school and future. i dont have anything to work towards and im mildly bored of school so i dont perform very good.
then there is this thing in school which probably happen in every highschool (lukio) in finland. there is this event where you pick a partner almost a year before i quess then you have classes for said event (dancing) and you probably get the point. anyway when we were still together or was it even just after we broke up with my ex we registered to this event and now that she has a new boyfriend and understandably she wants to go with him to another school (btw her new boyfriend is in another school). I wouldnt have problem with this but this event is like everybody remembers this somewhat fondly and nice and even my parents are like exited for it but now i have to probably cancel it. im just afraid to dissapoint my parents and i also feel like im missing so much in my life and youth.
i also feel like it would be better for everybody that i dont exist, okay maybe not my parents but i feel like a big disappointment even though they say that i wouldnt be and i believe them but still.
there might be other problems but those are now the major ones
sory too for not so comprehensive writing. just wanted to put my thoughts and worries somewhere to help me cope also im bad at english
and damn if you red this full. ty
My first problem is my probably my mental state and just loneliness i quess. idk why but i feel like its almost impossible for me to make new friends. i mean. i do have friends but idk. When the only friend that you hang out in school is your ex that has a new boyfriend not even that far from your breakup, it hurts almost every time i am around her. and the problem with the other friend is even though he is my best friend for now 10 to 11 years, he is in a different highschool than me and he is busy bc well things like more demanding school among other things. anywho my problem is i have barely any friends and i dont know how to make them. im bad at communicating and being social so those get in the way. and even if could imagine that i would being nice to be around or smth i am almost deathly afraid to make the first move to even make conversations.
second is probably my school and future. i dont have anything to work towards and im mildly bored of school so i dont perform very good.
then there is this thing in school which probably happen in every highschool (lukio) in finland. there is this event where you pick a partner almost a year before i quess then you have classes for said event (dancing) and you probably get the point. anyway when we were still together or was it even just after we broke up with my ex we registered to this event and now that she has a new boyfriend and understandably she wants to go with him to another school (btw her new boyfriend is in another school). I wouldnt have problem with this but this event is like everybody remembers this somewhat fondly and nice and even my parents are like exited for it but now i have to probably cancel it. im just afraid to dissapoint my parents and i also feel like im missing so much in my life and youth.
i also feel like it would be better for everybody that i dont exist, okay maybe not my parents but i feel like a big disappointment even though they say that i wouldnt be and i believe them but still.
there might be other problems but those are now the major ones
sory too for not so comprehensive writing. just wanted to put my thoughts and worries somewhere to help me cope also im bad at english
and damn if you red this full. ty
18-21, M
