i hate myself

i wish i didn’t look the way i did. i have been sitting here crying for hours because im not satisfied with what i see in the mirror. when i get like that, suddenly all of my dreams and aspirations seem to fade, along with reasons to stay alive. there’s this girl in my class, and she’s so pretty. she’s in a large friend group, gets good grades, has lots of money, is popular, has a boyfriend, always has options, and so much more. i used to be friends with her, but she stopped talking to me after meeting the other popular girls. i wish i could look like them. i wish i was confident. i wish i wasn’t the loner girl at the back of the class who has been going to that school forever but nobody notices because she’s too scared to talk. sometimes i even wish i was dead. im so tired of scrolling through those “glow-up” videos, pretending like im actually gonna become pretty one day. at this point, i don’t want pretty privilege. i just want to be treated like a person.