NEED ADVICE friendship struggles

Hi so I have this very close friend of mine. And I hate to admit it bus she’s very toxic. I ignored all the red flags whilst she has way too many. She also doesn’t have a lot of friends anymore because she gaslights and manipulates. I wasn’t sure if I was over exaggerating at first. However I’m so frustrated with her now that I am pretty sure at this moment that she is toxic. So basically I wanted to throw myself a birthday party with friends. I’ve had a lot of anxiety about it because it’s outside my comfort zone. I was also struggling with who to invite because I’m friends with people from different small friend groups, who all know and like each other but aren’t necessarily close. But neither am I with them because I’m in a friend group with toxic girly who chased away all our other friends who were in the friend group. Now it’s just me, a friend who’s always with her shitty boyfriend, and her. I do have other friends that I really like and love hanging out with, but I’m not actually part of their friend group. And every time I try to get closer to them, toxic girly steps in and is being nice with me and makes me feel like we’re besties and I suddenly don’t care about creating a stronger bond with other people. Every time i sit at another table or am just not by her side, she calls me, texts me, desperately searches for me. I first thought it was sweet that someone cares about me, but now idk anymore. Anyway I invited one of our ex friend group friends who, I have to admit, I don’t talk much to anymore. But she is close with people I hang with sometimes and I really wanted to invite them. So I thought it would be kind of weird and mean if I didn’t invite her (the ex friendgroup friend), whilst we never even had any fights. She did have fights with toxic girly tho… that’s why she decided to leave.
Anyhow, the first thing toxic girly texts me when I made the group chat and invited everyone was : “bro why (name)?”. Not even wow fun! Or something like that.
So I responded with quite a neutral answer:”brooo I’m also just doing something 😭”
“Yes but whyyyy”
I tell her the truth
“I really wanted to invite (names) and I knew they would probably tell (name) if I didn’t invite her, so I thought ok whatever who cares”
She responds back:
“And so? What does it matter? Did you go to her party?”
“No I didn’t but I thought it would be kind of mean, I wouldn’t like it if that were to happen to me”
“Idk I just think it’s weird since we or at least you haven’t been friends with her for years, but ig we’ll see”

And then I left her on read. Like how can you just decide that for me that we’re not friends anymore. I mean yes we’re not close anymore but we never fought like you guys did??? And what do I have to do with this information? I can’t just uninvite her bruh. I need advice am I over reacting? I mean she is in the wrong right?

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Mindful · 56-60, F

How long has this been going on? I suggest you just hang out with one or two close friends at a time, till you are friends again. And forget which group she is in. You need to stop hanging out with her. Start by fighting with her the way others do.. maybe ask her tough questions like why are you always taking me away my attention from other friends? Is someone telling you she is toxic or is she really toxic?

Hihihihilolololhi · 22-25

@Mindful thank you for your advice!! I know that it is best to stop hanging out with her. But I feel like if I leave her, I don’t have any one else myself either… since I’ve been with her for years. I’ve been friends with her for almost 6 years now. We met each other on the first day of school. And no, no one is telling me she’s toxic. I mean I do hear people say she’s mean sometimes. But I just kind of feel like she’s toxic… and because it’s just me saying this, idk if I’m overreacting. But she always talks bad shit abt everyone, like no one is safe. She even did it to me once. It wasn’t that bad but it was kind of negative..

Mindful · 56-60, F

@Hihihihilolololhi identify why you think that she’s toxi. What exactly does she do or say?

Why are you wanting other /different friends now? It’s normal…. I’m just wondering if you know. If she runs off other people and she is mean, YOU think she’s mean it may be best to let her know…and say, “ wow, that was mean, you need to chill” a rather than let her think it’s okay. Say it enough time that she becomes aware of why people or even you , don’t want to keep spending time with her. She may need to learn the hard way, if she is not more careful with the way she talks to people, that she will have no friends. If your hints don’t make her think and she annoys you, you need to walk alone. Have no friends for a while. I did that for years, because at a certain age everyone is mean and I didn’t want any part of it. It happens as an adult as well.
Ask yourself, what do I like about her? And is she mean or telling the truth?

Hihihihilolololhi · 22-25

@Mindful I’ll definitely have to make a list to identify it! But here a few examples. she makes up a lot of drama and then blames other people. She isn’t necessarily a mean girl, but she makes comments like omg why does she eat so much like share some with the rest of us, she’s always hungry. You’re hair is always the same. You’ve been wearing these clothes since forever. Sometimes I feel like she’s just projecting because. Those things apply to her as well. Sometimes her comments aren’t even true for the ppl she’s talking abt, but are somewhat true for her. And it took me years to realise how insecure she actually is herself. Maybe I’m interpreting it wrong tho. I definitely think it’s a good plan to let her know! I do it very rarely. But once I did. She said ugh (name) is so annoying. Whilst it is a person she hangs out with quite a lot and I thought they were cool. And I was like but she’s really nice tho and you like hanging out with her right? Yeah but like she’s just annoying sometimes and you’re being way too nice. So she kind of takes it as a joke ig? Or doesn’t really realise how she’s in the wrong

Hihihihilolololhi · 22-25

@Mindful also what do you think about the birthday party situation? Was she right? Is it weird?

Mindful · 56-60, F

@Hihihihilolololhi no. You get to invite anyone you want. She sounds like she can fake it with anyone anyway. Don’t invite her or tell her if she doesn’t like who’s coming, she can skip the party, and you and her can hang out on a different day.

Hihihihilolololhi · 22-25

@Mindful true! I just feel like she’s saying this either because she like telling the “truth” or because she was genuinely curious why or she was kind of jealous? I literally have no clue tho

Hihihihilolololhi · 22-25

@Mindful also I already invited her, I put everyone in a group chat including her. Because she’s basically my closest friend at school