When will it get better

I hate myself, and i dont wanna be myself. Just a few months ago my girlfriend broke up with me, i didn't understand why but when she told me its because I seek attention, i realised i was the red flag all along. During the relationship I sometimes talk about killing myself, feeling low or even doubting how much people care about me. I'm always going "Do you guys care about me?" Or "I want to end my life". This is another reason why i hate myself, i push my feelings on them and i even lied about a few just to get attention. Why am i like this, all my life i hated people with red flags but in actuality i was the red flag this whole time. I broke her heart without even knowing it and i want to go back in time and fix that, sadly that isnt even an option so im stuck here regrettably crying myself to sleep. Im so goddamn annoying to even fish for attention. I hate myself, i wish we never met so her life wouldve been better.

I miss you Rebecca