is it bad if i feel like this

I’m sorry for ranting over here again but well, when you’re alone with your thoughts you started thinking about all sort of things.

So I have this friend, they were diagnosed with anxiety and depression. Sometimes she would come to me to talk about her life and how’s it going for her. Every time, I would do my best to entertain and be there for her. Even though sometimes I wasn’t actually feeling like it. I also have a situation that I’ve never shared with any of my friends. I have my own issues too but I put it aside just because I thought ‘she needs you and you’re fine. you can be there for her’ when in fact, I started feeling like I’m not fine at all lately. It gets pretty tiring and mentally draining to be a listener for others when they needed to vent. I started ghosting my friends to put myself first. Just for a while. But then this particular friend, came to me again. She said she needed me and she hasn’t been okay since she got discharged from the hospital due to her anxiety. Thing is, I feel like I don’t care at all when she said that. I don’t even reply to her till now. I feel bad that I’m feeling like that. I feel like I’m a really bad person. I want to be selfish and put myself first. I feel like I’m not being a good friend.

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Casheyane · F

Be honest to avoid misunderstanding.
If she's a good friend, she'll understand.
Or if you must, lay it out. You're drained. You can't pour out of an empty tank.

I did the same. For years. Now, I chose not to speak with the main person who drained me. Sometimes I felt bad, but good riddance because I really found I liked freedom when I'm away with people/person who made me feel I have to pretend all the time.

Sometimes, you don't even do it to be fake. You do it cause you have things to do and you need to be in the mental space to do it so you put up a front. But people like that front, right? So they come to you, and you're forced to go along even if inside, you're desperate to be alone so you can drop the smile and the armour and just...just be.

Figure out how important or how real is that friend to you. Maybe you can be sad together. But if you really need to be alone, tell it.

The people who wants to hear you will hear you. The people who wants to take advantage of you...well, you'll know.

We all need someone sometimes. But sometimes, we just need to be alone for our own selves.