I want to move on :(

lately I keep thinking about a friend that i used to be close too. we were besties sorta before we got into a huge fight from 10 years ago. we did started talking online again just a few years back but i feel like that’s a bad idea now. just talking to her again keeps reminding me of how much i was hurting before. it all started after she ghosted me on dc a week ago lmao and I kept getting reminded of all the bad and good things that happened. i think until this day, i still like her so much and want to be close friends again. i hate that I’m the only one who wants this. i was the one who liked her more in our friendship before and i still am the same person now. i know it’s not her fault and it made me feel worse because i feel like im the problem. i was a really toxic friend for her. im glad she cut me off but I’m also kinda upset cus i was reminded of how badly i was treated too :(

i just cried again cus it brings back memories on how she said she got annoyed that i apologized too much for every little things. how im holding her back from doing things she likes. she never texted me during school break and i found out she texted a guy from our class everyday. i only wanted to talk about our days but she said she didn’t need to text me all the time just bcs we’re friends. why do i like her so much??? i hate myself