He loved me too early, I loved him too late..

So, Me, A male likes one of my friends, but the problem is he has philophobia (fear of love or romance) but he liked me too. I loved him too late though. And he loved me too early. He confessed to me twice and when I accepted but it wasn’t clear his phobia got severe and but he didn’t lose the feelings he was just worried what was going to happen but Jen I lost him. I lost him and I ruined a great friendship. I can’t believe I did this. I hate myself for this. I still break down in tears thinking about this