just need to vent a tad bit

I literally can’t be vulnerable to anyone in my life. My whole life i have been that one person, “the wall”, that someone can lean on and vent to. But I don’t know how to do it myself. I’ve always just bottled up all of my emotions, feelings, etc. which is hard for me cause I’m an already emotional person. I can’t even tell my closet friend who I have been friends with for almost 11 years.

I just find vulnerability so hard even since I was like 6. I was heavily bullied, body shamed and mentally abused at 6 by this one boy, let’s call him Steven. He bullied for a whole ass school year and none of my teachers did nothing and every day I would tell them about it and they would just be like, “oh, ignore him!” or “boys will be boys” and it makes me so mad.

Due to this I’ve always been overly nice and caring and people just always walk all over me and now I have social anxiety. I feel like I will be pictured as attention seeking or anything like that if I do vent. Being vulnerable is just so uncomfortable for me and always has been. And I genuinely hate it cause I have so much just built up inside me which is why I’m venting here.