I love my dad, but..
I don’t know what to say. I hate myself for being so dramatic over this, but here it is. My dad and I don’t see eachothers often, It has always been like that. Ever since I could remember, my dad had to work abroad and he never had time for me. My mom and dad broke up when I was 2 years old. The reason was because my mom couldn’t handle raising me with my dad being away so much. After that it’s been mostly just me and my mom. Ofcourse my dad tried to be with me as much as he could. When I was much younger, I remember crying so much for my dad after he had dropped me back at my moms house, because I knew he had to leave soon. Growing up I got used to the feeling of him not spending most birthdays with me nor coming to my school events. I’d often watch the other kids bring their dads to school whenever there was a school play or a game. I would cry everytime we had to do something for fathers day, because I knew I wouldn’t be able to spend fathers day with my dad.
As I got older, my dad got himself a new girlfriend and they’ve been together since. After my stepmom became a part of my dads family, my dad stopped paying as much attention to me. Before my stepmom, my dad used to play with me and take me for trips in other countries. But it all changed once the new girlfriend came in. My dad stopped playing with me and taking me to trips, but instead going out with my stepmother and spending time with her. Now it wouldn’t have been such a big deal if I only wasn’t around 7 to 8. And as i grew older, I realised how much I hated going to my dads house. I would spend all my time alone with no one to play with. I used to be a very shy kid and I would cry over the smallest things. And it just got worse as my younger sibling was born. I used to have a screen time and my dad used to monitor what I did much more than what after my younger sibling was born. Once my sibling was born, I completely got forgotten about. And I know, newborn babies need alot of affection and care, but I also needed that. Maybe not as much, but I was only 10 and loved my dad more than anyone. It hurt alot to see me become a big girl when I turned ten, only to see my dad with my stepmother and the newborn baby. So I once again had to spend my birthday with my mom, crying for my dad. He really didn’t even get me a birthday present, and I know gifts isn’t all that. But I was so young and didn’t get a gift from my dad. I never asked for anything and I wasn’t ungrateful. I tried to understand my best why my dad was spending my birthday with my sibling and stepmother. When I was 12, I realised it felt like I didn’t know my father. It felt like he didn’t know anything about me and he was just my dad, but that’s it.
Because me and my first younger sibling have our birthdays so closea and we spent our birthday together. I turned 12 and my sibling 2, we had a shared party and I felt like it was more about them than me. I don’t want to seem like an ungrateful person, but birthday is one of the only celebrations I liked to really celebrate and it felt like that was taken away from me. Two years passed and I was told I was getting another sibling, and of course I was happy. But at the same time i was concerned for my sibling, who was about to turn four. How I wasn’t gonna get anymore attention, but how it would affect their life. I promised myself I wouldn’t let the same thing happen to them that happened to me. As years went by, I couldn’t spend anytime with my father, like any father-daughter time. And I had to act as the babysitter who was babysitting my own siblings. I love both of my siblings, and I’m so happy to have them.
Back then, I was also struggling with school alot. And seeing other teens being able to ask their parents for help anytime and whenever they needed help, made my stomach turn. I was jealous of the people who had their dad around to help them with anything. I was angry of the people who could ask their mom for help. My mom used to work long days and most of the time she wasn’t home. So I had no one to ask for help. I had no one to help me study for tests or help me with my homework. So all I wanted growing up, was for my siblings to have a person they wanted to run to whenever they felt like it.
Years passed and things were the same. And still to this day, I’m not as close to my dad as i’d like to be. Of course I love my mom, dad, stepmother and my siblings, they are all so important to me and I don’t know what I would do without them. Also, I do not blame my dad for not being there. He had his reasons and one of the reasons was his job. Without my dads job, he would not have been able to start a new family.
Btw, my first language isn’t English and I’m so sorry if the text was a pain to read through. Thank you so much if you read the whole thing trough, it means alot.
As I got older, my dad got himself a new girlfriend and they’ve been together since. After my stepmom became a part of my dads family, my dad stopped paying as much attention to me. Before my stepmom, my dad used to play with me and take me for trips in other countries. But it all changed once the new girlfriend came in. My dad stopped playing with me and taking me to trips, but instead going out with my stepmother and spending time with her. Now it wouldn’t have been such a big deal if I only wasn’t around 7 to 8. And as i grew older, I realised how much I hated going to my dads house. I would spend all my time alone with no one to play with. I used to be a very shy kid and I would cry over the smallest things. And it just got worse as my younger sibling was born. I used to have a screen time and my dad used to monitor what I did much more than what after my younger sibling was born. Once my sibling was born, I completely got forgotten about. And I know, newborn babies need alot of affection and care, but I also needed that. Maybe not as much, but I was only 10 and loved my dad more than anyone. It hurt alot to see me become a big girl when I turned ten, only to see my dad with my stepmother and the newborn baby. So I once again had to spend my birthday with my mom, crying for my dad. He really didn’t even get me a birthday present, and I know gifts isn’t all that. But I was so young and didn’t get a gift from my dad. I never asked for anything and I wasn’t ungrateful. I tried to understand my best why my dad was spending my birthday with my sibling and stepmother. When I was 12, I realised it felt like I didn’t know my father. It felt like he didn’t know anything about me and he was just my dad, but that’s it.
Because me and my first younger sibling have our birthdays so closea and we spent our birthday together. I turned 12 and my sibling 2, we had a shared party and I felt like it was more about them than me. I don’t want to seem like an ungrateful person, but birthday is one of the only celebrations I liked to really celebrate and it felt like that was taken away from me. Two years passed and I was told I was getting another sibling, and of course I was happy. But at the same time i was concerned for my sibling, who was about to turn four. How I wasn’t gonna get anymore attention, but how it would affect their life. I promised myself I wouldn’t let the same thing happen to them that happened to me. As years went by, I couldn’t spend anytime with my father, like any father-daughter time. And I had to act as the babysitter who was babysitting my own siblings. I love both of my siblings, and I’m so happy to have them.
Back then, I was also struggling with school alot. And seeing other teens being able to ask their parents for help anytime and whenever they needed help, made my stomach turn. I was jealous of the people who had their dad around to help them with anything. I was angry of the people who could ask their mom for help. My mom used to work long days and most of the time she wasn’t home. So I had no one to ask for help. I had no one to help me study for tests or help me with my homework. So all I wanted growing up, was for my siblings to have a person they wanted to run to whenever they felt like it.
Years passed and things were the same. And still to this day, I’m not as close to my dad as i’d like to be. Of course I love my mom, dad, stepmother and my siblings, they are all so important to me and I don’t know what I would do without them. Also, I do not blame my dad for not being there. He had his reasons and one of the reasons was his job. Without my dads job, he would not have been able to start a new family.
Btw, my first language isn’t English and I’m so sorry if the text was a pain to read through. Thank you so much if you read the whole thing trough, it means alot.
