Random vent

After being constantly fed into the negativity. It gets hard to get out. It changes your perception. It makes you think so low of yourself. Kills your self esteem and literally kills your body as a slow poison. For a couple of years, that's all I could feel. Worthless, ugly and a good for nothing. Now if anyone would give me a compliment, I'd question their motives. Because that's how messed up I am. That's how things got to me. That's how I decided to get numb. Feel nothing than to feel the constant pain.

I have had people tell me. Snap out of it. You can do it. Honestly, I'm tired. Too tired to think, walk or invest in anything anymore. It's all going to fail as is. It's like everything I touch breaks or everything I want kills me. So as a solution, it's best to seclude myself.

Maybe someday I'll get out of this. Maybe I won't. Idk but to be put down everyday hurt me. To be fed into pain kept hurting me. Idk. I would wish that I "mattered". These days, thoughts like that died down. Idk. That's the easiest thought to feel. I don't want to know and I don't know.

The conclusion is. I'm not happy or sad. I just don't want anything or anyone.