Basically just me venting about how I feel.

So. I have a terrible fear of abandonment. I constantly am scared the person in my life who actually likes me actually hates me? I feel so annoying. I feel like everything that I say and do is so annoying, and I am just so annoyed with myself. Love in my childhood was rare. I felt loved my nobody. My mom was very mentally unstable and crazy. My dad was sorta nice, but we never really hung out. My sister always blamed me. Every time mom did something to me, she would take her side. Last year, I found someone who actually loves me. My best friend. The only person in the entire planet that is not my cats who actually likes me. But I always feel like maybe she doesn't actually like me, and she only hangs out with me because she tolerates me and doesn't know how to tell me to leave. She always tells me how special I am to her and how she loves me so much, and I love that, but deep down I feel like she is lying because she feels bad. Sometimes I just wanna KMS. I hate the way I look and act so much something I don't even know if life is worth living anymore. I hate myself so much.