How do i get better?

I have had this friend for years, he's a boy. He is so special to me but sometimes we're both having a misunderstood problem, sometimes his words hurt too much but if I drop him I will loose a friend. I wanted to be alone and look quiet but people will think that I am emo and depressive. I don't have any choice but to just be with him for the meantime ill find a better one soon.. but I will never drop someone because I feel bad. I have already experienced a lot. and the most thing I cant stop doing is hurting myself. I have such low self-esteem I sometimes do the fruit ninja when everything hurts too much. i always thought of ending myself but can't cus I have to live! I have more things to do in life.. but life is life and everything will be hard from the start. I'm only a minor and every minor have felt these kind of things before and I feel bad for them I wish them a great future and life. I wish there was one day that I could enjoy the day without feeling any pain in my chest a feeling that I could only be happy and smiling happily.