I think my fiancé is depressed

My fiancée revealed to me that he relies his happiness on the expectations he has on others. He now realizes that he is the only one responsible for his happiness and it’s not solely my job.

He struggles a lot with self-esteem and feeling worthy. He get agitated easily and says that he feel like I don’t do enough to love him. He would vent angrily at times and forget about it after. He doesn’t like talking about emotions and doesn’t care for ‘soft’ affection like hugs and cuddles.

I love this man and would follow him to the end of earth. I would love to hear if anyone has had similar experiences with their partner or have tips to share in how to navigate loving a depressed partner.

Top | Newest First | Oldest First

being · 36-40, F

It seems positive to me..:) Someone who is realising something, is a big step towards personal development. And always, as couples work as systems, if one is benefitted, then they are both. You need now to be prepared for sometime of instability as you noticed already. Till change occurs -it inevitably will- he might be more frustrated and have unsettling feelings. Be there, caring for him.

If he doesn't care for soft affections, a good way to introduce softness is to give him a massage once a week. Using more pressure the first few times, soften as the weeks pass by.
Be consistent and after a couple of months he will slowly and subtly see the power in the soft.

But don't get consumed by him. Take time to have your own reflections. Love him but love yourself first. I can't find a better way to tell you this. If you truly love him, love yourself first and foremost. That's the only way for the long run, and not for a burnout after a few years.
Your affection and attention towards him are inspiring and wonderful... Please make sure you share the same affection and attention towards Hopefuldreamer. Ask her what she likes often. Offer her spaces of care, fun and rest. Invest in her own progress and development.
You sound grounded, I believe you'll find your balance in this situation... take care 💟

QCDog2659 · 61-69, M

@being Very good advice!!

Hopefuldreamer231 · 26-30, F

@being thank you so much for taking your time to respond @being. I appreciate your advice and your non judgmental approach. I felt heard and seen and will try out the advice given! Thanks again

being · 36-40, F

@Hopefuldreamer231 thank you sweetheart:) Apart from anyone, listen to your gut, it knows best... 🤗

revenant · F

He will demand perfection out of you or his idea of perfection rather ,and when he won't get it, you are human after all, he will spit on you. I knew someone like you described and he was very very toxic.

jackjjackson · 61-69, M

Be very careful. Co-dependence is a horrible rathole.

helenS · 36-40, F

As long as he does not rely his happiness on the expectations he has on you, it might be all fine.

littlepuppywantanewlife · 31-35, M

If he is not opening up then don't blame yourself for his unhappiness. Marriage is bond of two people not about one person doing and sacrificing for your partner. You are very a loving partner but let him figure things out. You can't 24/7 make him happy. It's time for him to fix things.

riseofthemachine · 41-45, M

It seems to me your finacee is very sensitive to life . I get like that at times and also more soul sickened than depressed when it happens .

Add a comment...