Idk(vent ish?)

Sometimes I just feel like an emotionless hunk of flesh with a voice box. I don’t show emotion around anyone really at all. I’m not entirely sure why tbh. Maybe I want to appear “tough”? I only recently kinda opened up to one of my best friends about an argument my parents had a couple weeks ago. When my grandpa died, my mom was shattered. I had no idea what to do. I felt helpless sitting there watching her cry almost everyday. She said that I didn’t understand how impactful his death was, but I did. They don’t know how much time at night i have sat in my bed and cried because of his death. I never really open up to people. I suppose it was a vent. I feel bad because I know if the roles were reversed, it would be weird. She said it was ok but idk. I’m more of a monotone blunt person in my friends eyes. But hey, I’m not complaining really. At least they know I’m mostly not lying.