idk what to do anymore

I can't describe to anyone how i feel, everytime i think it can't get worse it does, it feels pointless to try anymore, it's so exhausting, i just wanna say how i feel but i can't, i think im bothering or causing trouble to everyone as soon as i say anything, it feels so disgusting to feel like this, i hate myself, i felt like this for almost 4 years and it's only getting worse