idk anymore
TW: Self harm
Why do I do this to myself? Why do I feel the urge to hurt myself when things get too much? That truly is something that a mentally stable person may never understand. I get these voices n my head telling me the heavy feeling on my chest will go away only when i relapse. Only when I relapse everything will be okay. Self harm to me feels like a breath of fresh air, an escape from the heavy thoughts going on inside my head, for a few seconds my body no longer feels like it has a big weight sitting on my chest. It doesn't last long. Giving away weeks of progress all to throw it away to feel the 10 seconds of freedom. Freedom of the voices in my head screaming at me to end everything, that I'll never be good enough, that I don't deserve to be here. I'm so selfish for doing it. I never thought about how my family would feel when they found out. I feel so fucking trapped in my own head. I can't and never will escape my thoughts. It's getting really bad again. Everything i used to love is an effort for me to do and drains me, my body feels heavy and slow, I'm exhausted after doing the littlest things, I just feel like there's no hope anymore.
Why do I do this to myself? Why do I feel the urge to hurt myself when things get too much? That truly is something that a mentally stable person may never understand. I get these voices n my head telling me the heavy feeling on my chest will go away only when i relapse. Only when I relapse everything will be okay. Self harm to me feels like a breath of fresh air, an escape from the heavy thoughts going on inside my head, for a few seconds my body no longer feels like it has a big weight sitting on my chest. It doesn't last long. Giving away weeks of progress all to throw it away to feel the 10 seconds of freedom. Freedom of the voices in my head screaming at me to end everything, that I'll never be good enough, that I don't deserve to be here. I'm so selfish for doing it. I never thought about how my family would feel when they found out. I feel so fucking trapped in my own head. I can't and never will escape my thoughts. It's getting really bad again. Everything i used to love is an effort for me to do and drains me, my body feels heavy and slow, I'm exhausted after doing the littlest things, I just feel like there's no hope anymore.
16-17, F