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Cornered i don't want to move part 2

I know that after high school it should be college right but I don't have any money. I was ignorant even after learning a lot of skills from the dorm school. My aunt from the countryside said she can help me and sent me to her acquaintance to be a maid. Living with another family is not a problem but adjusting to what they like is very difficult. I cried to my aunt the wife of the uncle who took me in. She asked my mom to take me back so we met after a long time. I found out my 3rd sibling is with her as well as the eldest but the eldest committed a crime and ran away. I lived with her for a year she sent me to a store so I can earn money. I didn't feel good so I asked my other uncle if I can live in their house while I try to find a job in the city. He agreed so I stayed there. I eventually ventured on my own jumping from jobs to jobs trying to find out what the world is like and trying to fit in. Here I am at 31 with a 2 year old son living with my boyfriend and his family since the pandemic. They never make me feel that they like me so I stopped being nice and ignored them just doing what I need to not exceeding expectations. I always love reading books trying to escape reality but recently it worsen. I don't like doing anything and just getting up to take care of necessities. I feel like being cornered like I know I have to do something but I can't bring myself to do it. I know my life will get better if I can do better but I'm stuck. I don't want to stay in this place but I can't bring myself to leave. I want my son to have a better life with me and I need to be out of this place where I'm not comfortable but I'm stuck. I know the what I need to do but I'm stuck. It's been like this for years it's very difficult I don't want to think anymore and just escape reality. I don't know what I'm doing here everyone's lives are all difficult why can't I be like them and do what I want. I'm not even sure what I want except i know for sure my son needs me.

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