Im so conflicted, i dont know how much longer i can last

Everyone don't like reality .
Your not alone there .
Thats why there's so many things to get addicted too , to get out of reality .
When all the addictive behaviours don't work , its a sign from a God you believe in or of not you don't believe God too move foward . What stop you moving foward is the pain your in from the mental chatter in the mind cause probably your so used to it and thats why u find acting out on yourself to harm yourself more cause you know no better .
When you harm yourself , all that does 8s increase the mental chatter your used too , so its not new too you .
You have too change the mind set you have and thats painful too but if you keep doing the right things you'll get rewards for it .
You'll get all different opinions but you have too see where the pain or dislike is coming from , and why you want too harm yourself .
Life is painful and anybody that says its not is bull shit .
If you didn't experience pain you wouldn't experience life and you wouldn't be able to share your experience with someone that was there with you , like me now .
Thats how life works , its about experience and sharing not big mad wisdom answers , the quick fix answers cause theres none of them there . You have to go through pain and then you have your answers , and some people are deeper than others with life . You'll never have peace 24/7 .
No one does , as what i said thats life experiences.
One thing im allergic too is gossip , unless i really have to talk about someone that caused me harm other than that im very laid back .
I have my own painful experiences around resentments and up to this day i don't know how i got through half of them .
I lost 3 stone weight in 6 months at one stage over it and i wanted out but give it a few months or even weeks and it will pass .
You'll have another problem next 😂😂😂.

Well i guess the thighs sliding on the pole like an old metal slide is punishement.

I understand if you would like to talk about it privately you're free to message me

WoOFleS, you crave pain and punishment?

Take up Boxing.