I wonder why

I GREW UP, WHERE IF I CRIED I WOULD GET LAUGHED OR YELLED AT, IF I WAS MAD, I WOULD GET LAUGHED OR YELLED AT, WHEN I SHOWED EMOTIONS I WOULD GET LAUGHED OR YELLED AT. AND I STILL FUCKING WONDER WHY I CANT EXPRESS MY FEELINGS WELL, AND I STILL WONDER WHY I MASK MY EMOTIONS