What will happen then?

Hello, I'm Tereza and I'm 17. I've been struggling for a while. Hell I've been struggling since I can remeber. My dad left us when I was 2 (we are in contact but our relationship is just bad). I found out i got vitiligo (a weird white spots on my body) when i was 9,which affected me so much and still does. I was SA when I was 11 and everyone pretty much leaves me when things get bad. My friends, bestfriend, just everyone. Only thing that was good in my life, was relationship with my grandparents, especially with my grandpa. But ofcourse, week ago his heart stopped working. He is in hosiptal in a coma since then. His heart,kidneys and overall lungs have been always pretty bad, but I just wasn't ready that it will get to him so fast. I love him more than my own father. The minute my mom told me everything my world just collapsed. I'm tired, anxious and depressed. I can't handle all the pain collected over the years anymore. None of my friends actually care, even when I seek help from them. I look pretty much happy over the day, always smiling, but behind every joke,every smile is just pure pain and suffering. I want to go to therapist but my social anxiety is so bad that I just stutter and mumble and can't say a single thing. I want to give up, so fucking much, but my friends need me, my familly needs me. But what will happen when they won't anymore? When all that I care about will dissapear? God I wish I was the one laying in the hospital bed, because it breaks my heart everyday when I see my mum and grandma talk to him, praying he will wake up someday soon. But deep down we all know it won't happen. He's too sick, he was being resucitated for too long. too long without oxygen, too long. He won't wake up. And if he dies, so will my heart and soul. What will happen then?