Does anyone else feel exhausted?

I’m so sick and tired of getting up everyday knowing that i’m just going to feel horrible. I’m so paranoid all of the time that I can’t sleep. It’s 1:17am and i’m awake writing this because I can’t sleep. All I’ve felt for months is emptiness. I want to feel childlike happiness just one more time. It was taken away from me way too early. I feel like most of the time it would be so relieving if I didn’t have to live in this world anymore. Everyone says I shouldn’t talk like that but, what if that’s really what’s best for me? What if all i’m going to be is a sad, lonely fat girl who people only talk to for test answers or to make fun of her. Is that what I was put on earth to be? I don’t want to be that.