I’m tired of life 😍😍😍🫶🫶🫶

TW: su!cu!de

Sometimes I feel like I shouldn’t live anymore. I understand that there are people that care for me and I have a healthy family along with healthy friends but sometimes I wonder what would happened if I ran away or if I past away..would people move on with their lives or would it be better that way… I’ve thought of ways to unalive myself but idk if I should do it… since there are people who care about me…I also feel like I hold grudges too much because I stop talking with friends that I fall in love with (due to me losing my feelings towards them and being uncomfortable afterwards since I know they still like me)…it’s irritating and i hate how I keep doing this pattern… and sometimes I see myself as person and I wonder how I’m in this body and why am I here…or why am I still here…is all of this real or what would happen if I pass away… I just keep having thoughts of death and make jokes such as “I want to kms” but when I look back to it I think “will this actually happen” and that’s what I worry about…idk if later I’ll be happier or if I’m going to be depressed for the rest of life… or if I’m not going to live long due to that depression…have had times where I dissociate and wish I ran away but I know if I did I wouldn’t really survive since I’m very dependent (which worries me even more) anyways I hope this wasn’t too much but if you reached this far ty for reading all of this and I hope you have a great day :)))