Sorry if none of this makes sense I tried to use grammar but it's hard to vent and keep it making scene but I tried.
Is this normal has anyone else gone from thinking they were a non-binary lesbian to a trans gay man? I don't know when I thought I was a lesbian (I was around the age of 10ish) I didn't like the thought of being a "girl" with a guy so I settled on lesbian because I knew I was some kind of gay. I even got a girlfriend being young and confused and felt I had to be in a relationship because the girl who asked was my best friend but now more recently I was thinking about my gender again because I've always felt I would be happier if I was born a boy but suppressed those thoughts but they keep coming back into my head and even in my dreams.
I done know I don't want to be a trans man because I wish I could just be a boy snap my fingers and be one I wish I was born one instead of having to become one with people knowing I wasn't born a boy. you know? I don't know
Especially because if I realize I am trans Its not like I can even do anything about it I'm surrounded by a extremely homophobic transphobic father, a mother who is confused about all that stuff, transphobic homophobic classmates who would probably not be kind to me. And two grandmothers who are very proud of having a pretty "granddaughter" as I'm the only one and by my mother's side and my father's so they wouldn't be accepting of me. The only person I feel I could talk to is my aunt who is a masculine presenting lesbian but I physically struggle to talk about myself or how I'm feeling so I don't know.
I feel guilty for thinking this way because I have a girlfriend who just thinks I'm non-binary but I don't know how to tell her I might be trans masc and I don't want her to be upset as I'm one of the only people she has because she's homeschooled has always been bullied and doesn't really have any other irl friends.