im useless, worthless

i have ppl to talk to but rn i feel like i should leave them alone so im here. im not getting anywhere with life, im a school drop out, i have no idea what to do with my life. all i do is hole up in my room, not eating all day until i feel like getting up. im wasting my life away and dissapointing people more and more everyday. i had potential , i was always getting praise for being one of the best in my class but now ive turned to pure shit that gets walked over. i dont even feel the point of me being alive anymor, so i never eat healthy, drink healthy, or brush my teeth. im rotting in my room 24/7 , always hearing my family talk bad about me. i only shower tomaintain a good image for people, and keep the happy cheerful act so i wont be too looked down on. i want praise, i want to be succesful, a good person, but with how useless and all the thrown away potential, im nothing but a dirty penny on the side of the road for them to pick up, and abandon again. i wish didnt care so much. before i didnt, but as i get older i realize more and more how worthless of a human being i am. theres 8 billion people in the world, and i just sit there and blend in. im never going to be succesful, a celebrity,or anything i wanted. nobody accepts me now, so why would they accept me then? im a loser, i dont fit in, i only sometimes stand out because of how shameful and boring i am. im wasting myself, my life, nobody will ever love me like how they did before. they dont care about my calls for help. i feel like im in a dark box where nobody can see or hear me. i afraid ill never be useful again. im afraid that nobody will love mee ever again. i wish i could be my old self again. i dont remember feeling genuinely as happy as i was back then at all now. since my life is wasted, i have 2 options. live and keep rotting away, or die and get it all over with?