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everything would be so much more better if I was just gone.

I have 9 Advil in a little bag beside my bed right now. I'm too scared. Reasoning for feeling this way: I'm a terrible friend and family member. Wherever I go or whoever I befriend I mess up. I'm such a dickhead friend. My humor hurts people. I've made horrible decisions in my life and I fucking hate myself for it. Everything would be so much more better if I was just gone. My friends friend would care about her more, she would focus on herself more, I won't cause stress to my family, I can't make anymore bad decisions again. Ever. I'd be gone. I'd be peaceful, for the first time. Every person I think I can vent to hasctheir own problems and I know how it feels to he triggered by other people.
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Everyone feels like this at times.

Giving in means you never get to fix things/set them right.

Why not make a list of things to right, and take it as your to-do list?

Taking your own life will only ADD to a bad legacy.