everything would be so much more better if I was just gone.

I have 9 Advil in a little bag beside my bed right now. I'm too scared. Reasoning for feeling this way: I'm a terrible friend and family member. Wherever I go or whoever I befriend I mess up. I'm such a dickhead friend. My humor hurts people. I've made horrible decisions in my life and I fucking hate myself for it. Everything would be so much more better if I was just gone. My friends friend would care about her more, she would focus on herself more, I won't cause stress to my family, I can't make anymore bad decisions again. Ever. I'd be gone. I'd be peaceful, for the first time. Every person I think I can vent to hasctheir own problems and I know how it feels to he triggered by other people.

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Kodel · 26-30, M

You might think that, but you also eliminate any chance for recovery, learning from your mistakes and potentially building a life that you don't want to leave. Mistakes are a part of life and the majority of us understand that some people are more prone to them than others. Our brains are all different after all. The first step to solving any problem, is to recognise it. Afterwards you can take steps to resolve it. They might be very slow steps, or very small steps but the goal is improvement and it takes as long as it takes. Eliminating yourself though, removes all possibility of that happening so I'd encourage you not to. While it might feel like all you're capable of is mistakes or making people upset, I'd wager that's not the case. It might be all you focus on, but it's not all. I'd say ask your friends for their honest opinion of you and build a goal for yourself to improve in the areas they recommend and also that you agree with.
Hope this helps. 🙂