What should i do?

Honestly i don't know if my partner even likes me. We aren't affectionate towards each other and when i try to be they just brush me off i give up on dating at this point even though its not their fault at all its like we are best friends instead of partners and it sucks. They probably felt forced into it like all of my other relationships i feel bad for them for dating me i hate myself for it so much why cant we have a normal relationship instead we are acting like best friends sometimes even strangers i hate it so much they wont even hold my hand not even looking at me. I should have ended it so it didn't give on like this to make me feel worse. We have been dating for a year and a half and we haven't held hands yet it makes me fill with so many emotions I can't handle it, my parents joke around saying i have many partners because im very affectionate towards my friends and i try to be to my actual partner but the thing is i hate cuddling i don't like physical contact with my friends that much not even my family im fine with giving them hugs and holding hands but anything after that I can't handle being around sometimes i wish i wasn't scared to speak my mind to them but i know they will be upset and i don't want to make anyone upset should i just wait for them to break up with me or should I confront my partner? i can't mentally break up with them because i love them so much but i feel like they don't like me as someone they love at all. I hate venting too but i just needed to get this off my chest.