i hate this sm

Can you like talking to people but not like talking to them because of fear at the same time??? I cant even have a conversa without thinking; is this gonna sound weird?? Will they not like me?? Will they not get it?? What if the room stays quiet and someone else has to talk to get the conversation going?? What if they don’t want me to be in their conversation in the first place??? every time I try..they laugh, use me as a joke. I dont know how other people do it. How can they be that confident that they will love talking to them??? Why cant I even have one good thing about myself at all? My face is ugly. My body is big, my hair is not healthy, i have no social skills, horrible in most subjects. WHY DO THEY GET THE BEST THINGS AND I GET NOT EVEN ONE. NOT ONE. ONE DAY I THINK A GUY WANTS TO DATE ME, THEY NEXT I FIND OUT HES BEEN FAKING AND HAS A GF. ALL BECAUSE THEY FELT “PITY”???? THE ONLY THING I GET IS PITY! SO MANY RELATIONSHIPS JUST BECAUSE THEY HAD PITY. and the fact that i was so naive to think they actually liked me. I keep thinking to myself that one thing will come at some point. But I’ve been waiting for nothing.