I don't know for sure 100%, but I am going to guess this is more of a rant than a suicide letter.
Just a guess really tho.
You do know that harming yourself is never the right answer right?
I don't know how long you have felt like this but a lot of us here have hit the bottom more than once and some how made it to see more days afterwards.
Life can really suck at times. Some times those times can be years of shit.
Like I say, not really sure the direction this post was meant to take but it may be time to ask for some help from your doctor.
It's actually way more simple to bring it up than you may think and your primary care is more than trained to deal with this with you. So it's not like you will have to get a shrink and be shrunk.
What are you feeling beyond what you have already posted?