Cupioromantic

I'm cupioromantic which means that I want to feel love and experience romantic relationships, but I can't fall in love for whatever reason. I just wanted to express how I feel. I hate being cupioromantic and I really wish I could fall in love like in all of my comics, shows, and books but I just can't, and I don't know why. I constantly gaslight myself into thinking that my platonic feelings are romantic while trying to deny the fact that I'm cupioromantic, it's just so hard to accept that I only live once and will probably never feel the enchanting feeling of love. Ever. I just hope I'm wrong about being cupioromantic and I just haven't found the right person yet, but all signs point to me being cupioromantic. Why does my life have to be unfair, why can't I love like everyone else instead of daydreaming about it. Whenever someone confesses to me, I feel so uncomfortable even though that's what I dream of happening every day. I feel so weird when I have to explain to someone that I can't feel love, will they except me? will they think I'm a weirdo for not being able to feel love? What is wrong with me? Why can't I just let people in? Allow myself to fall in love? I cry at night when I think about it. Almost every night it comes up in my head, asking me for an answer. Why? Why? Why? 4 percent of people are aromantic. They feel little to no romantic attraction. 4 percent. Then how many people are cupioromantic? At least if I was aromantic I wouldn't desire a romantic relationship and would be able to accept it more easily. But for some reason I can't fall in love, but I want to? How does that make sense? What's the point of wanting to feel love but can't? Is there a way to fall in love? I don't know. Love surrounds me day in and day out. Seeing it. Hearing it. Thinking about it. It's everywhere in my life and I want to have it as well, but I can't. I feel like an outcast listening to my friend's crushes. Why me? Why do I have to love like this? When everyone else has the luxury of feeling love. I don't care if I feel love and it's toxic, I just want to feel it. If you told me to choose between having all the money in the world or feeling love, I would choose love. Anyways uh, I hope I got my message across. Well not really a message I'm just venting. Omg this is so long I didn't realize. Sorry for this being so long. I don't know if anyone will bother to read something this long but at least I got it out there. (Omg I wrote like a whole essay I'm so sorry)