i feel like a little child to be upset abt this but sdnfksjdfg
I have this online best friend of 3 years who I cherish and love very very much, but lately, we've been speaking less, or rather, I've been speaking as much as I always did, while they responded with less enthusiasm each time. Each time it happens, a small part of me keeps breaking and it sucks so badly because of how much I sacrificed for them.
The amount of money I've spent, the number of sleepless nights to keep them company, the amount of emotional support, the number of times I've listened to them vent, everything I possibly could provide as a long-distance friend.
Even now, I wrote them a letter for Christmas saying how much I'm thankful for the comfort and the company but it's all a lie. They make me feel small like I provided so much for them but barely got anything in return.
For example, whenever they talk about something happening, I always try to engage in conversation. Keep asking questions, and poking fun. But whenever I share about what happened with me, it's all "yes" "lol" "lmao" "oh wow"
It's fine the first few hundred times, but then I feel so invisible because of it???
I've tried venting to them once about unrelated frustrations and it turns out they can't handle that well. I perfectly understand, I'm not gonna force them to get comfortable around sensitive topics I experience, but they ALWAYS VENT TO ME ABOUT IT. CAN'T I GET EXHAUSTED FROM THAT TOO??
They always ask to play games or do something together, and I always find time to do so. But when I, against my own judgment, offer to watch a movie for Christmas, suddenly it's a "maybe" from them. A MAYBE? DO YOU NOT WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH ME LIKE THAT??
They always talk whenever something happens to them and almost always disappear whenever I mention myself.
I in fact did bring this up to them. I was worried that maybe they have lost interest in me as a friend, and they then claimed they started avoiding me because they were worried we would start fighting if we talked more. (We NEVER fight). They said they care for me so much that I don't even know, and that they were just worried I would lose interest in them. Part of me was relieved, another part was angry, and the last part didn't believe that at all. How idiotic does one have to be to think that strategy would work??? When in fact they're aware how attached I am.
I'm not bringing this question up to them again AT ALL. The last time I did, I had a nervous breakdown and spent an hour hyperventilating in my room. I'm not AT ALL emotionally prepared to question their views of me.
But good God, PLEASE think of me a bit more. I feel like I'm just a onesided star-eyed puppy ready to bring them a stick whenever they sigh about it. I love talking to them and being around them, so this constant dullness between us is so excruciating.
Am I annoying?? Am I too much?? Do you really still enjoy being around me or are you trying hard not to break my heart because of something???
The amount of money I've spent, the number of sleepless nights to keep them company, the amount of emotional support, the number of times I've listened to them vent, everything I possibly could provide as a long-distance friend.
Even now, I wrote them a letter for Christmas saying how much I'm thankful for the comfort and the company but it's all a lie. They make me feel small like I provided so much for them but barely got anything in return.
For example, whenever they talk about something happening, I always try to engage in conversation. Keep asking questions, and poking fun. But whenever I share about what happened with me, it's all "yes" "lol" "lmao" "oh wow"
It's fine the first few hundred times, but then I feel so invisible because of it???
I've tried venting to them once about unrelated frustrations and it turns out they can't handle that well. I perfectly understand, I'm not gonna force them to get comfortable around sensitive topics I experience, but they ALWAYS VENT TO ME ABOUT IT. CAN'T I GET EXHAUSTED FROM THAT TOO??
They always ask to play games or do something together, and I always find time to do so. But when I, against my own judgment, offer to watch a movie for Christmas, suddenly it's a "maybe" from them. A MAYBE? DO YOU NOT WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH ME LIKE THAT??
They always talk whenever something happens to them and almost always disappear whenever I mention myself.
I in fact did bring this up to them. I was worried that maybe they have lost interest in me as a friend, and they then claimed they started avoiding me because they were worried we would start fighting if we talked more. (We NEVER fight). They said they care for me so much that I don't even know, and that they were just worried I would lose interest in them. Part of me was relieved, another part was angry, and the last part didn't believe that at all. How idiotic does one have to be to think that strategy would work??? When in fact they're aware how attached I am.
I'm not bringing this question up to them again AT ALL. The last time I did, I had a nervous breakdown and spent an hour hyperventilating in my room. I'm not AT ALL emotionally prepared to question their views of me.
But good God, PLEASE think of me a bit more. I feel like I'm just a onesided star-eyed puppy ready to bring them a stick whenever they sigh about it. I love talking to them and being around them, so this constant dullness between us is so excruciating.
Am I annoying?? Am I too much?? Do you really still enjoy being around me or are you trying hard not to break my heart because of something???
18-21
