missing him so bad

uhm well i have this one ex who gave me so much trauma but i still love him so much and ik he also does but i dont get his point he has alot of girls and i am so jealous because when we were together he's not flexing me on social media he didn't treat me as a girlfriend he cheated twice haha but I'm not mad at him even tho he manipulate me we broke up because he can't handle my attitude anymore:(( i just want time and assurance is that too much to ask for??