What do I do? Caothic Rom Com Material, All detailed

Hello, I’m Ramón and I’m just 20. This is the situation: 4 years ago (when I was 16), I was exploring with my sexuality and stuff (spoiler: blatantly homosexual), so I created a Grindr account, where I started to talk with this guy, we’ll just go by his initial, J. J is 4 years older than me and he’s in a long running open relationship, he even invited me to their house for a 3way, I refused back then cause I was not very experienced and I just wasn’t into it. We spoke casually towards each other only through social media (apart from Grindr, I’m off the app now) and even exchanged nudes. Never have I accepted his invitations. In the course of those 4 years that we knew of each other, I began waiting tables at a bar, and some random day I uploaded a story with my manager, to which he replied he knew her and they were kind of besties and stuff, then a month later he asked for her to give him a job there too, cause he’s got a business with his boyfriend and apparently it’s in its face of financial hardship (they work very hard so I’m sure it’ll pass). The thing now, is that we’ve come clean towards each other, I said that I had lied about my age and he was appalled cause he had sent nudes and other nsfw material, but apart from that, we’ve interacting a lot; and I mean, a lot, a lot. In front of everybody we hug and kiss and get altogether very touchy-feely towards each other, so we kind of are a work couple? I guess. However I started catching feelings and he said he had strong feelings for me too but since I have utterly refused to enter his open relationship and he’s not leaving what he’s got for years with this boyfriend of his, we said to each other that we’d be just friends. The problem is that that’s not true. [b]We are friends but we also frequently kiss and touch each other in a more-than-friends manner[/b] (no sex, just ass touching when he hug or kiss or something). Now, after a long story, the problem here is: even though we’ve talked about this, I’m deeply conflicted, I like him, I have fun with him, I’m more fun myself when he’s around so, I think I’m falling, seriously. However, the rules of the game were crystal clear to me, from the beginning. And I feel as though I started this story with the ending spoiled already: even in the case he’s got feeling for me too, he won’t leave his partner. There’s too much baggage: a business, a routine, a home, pretty much a history together that I’d say I were him I wouldn’t let go off so easily either. This realization doesn’t put me at ease though, cause every now and again I’ll know he’s having issues at home and one time I even heard his boyfriend evicted him from the house (the house belongs to the boyfriend, as does the car cause his name is on the lease, as does the business cause he’s the one running the hell out of it while J is waiting tables), this makes me hopeful sometimes but also scared; I’m scared that I’ll get my hopes up (well, more I guess) and of course as expected, there’s no payoff to this emotionally-anguishing burden of a situation I’ve put myself in. I forgot to say, J has expressed to me he’s up to more than just sex with me, and I believe him, it’s being going on for a while that we wanna do each other but just don’t, and he does make an effort to date in a cutesy traditional way, so I’m officially head over heels, and I’m foreshadowing a broken heart, so: What do I do? The question is simple, and I kinda know the answer already, so a second question comes to mind; How do I do it? How do I leave him and all this bullshit alone? When I know that in other circumstances, he’d of course be in a relationship with me. I know this cause he said it to me himself.

P.S. I was kind of over it, and I just thought that it’ll hurt for a while, until a friend pointed out to me: My mind was blown, and I cannot stop thinking about it.

If you want to comment, and please do. Be blunt, I can take it.