help me pleaase i need that

Hello, I decided to write everything I feel in this letter, because, I don't know, I want help even though I can continue...
I feel ugly, horrible, fat, I don't know…. It's just that, some days I feel fine and other days I feel like dying, which is why I always minimize my problems by saying that I'm not suffering, although if I do, and even though they tell me that I'm skinny and pretty, I don't feel like that... on top of that … I feel useless, because even if I feel bad, I don't do anything to change it, I can't help but eat and I don't get to vomit, exercise or talk, and I feel that nobody supports me in this, so I just have to ignore the problem because " It's not a problem" I already have a lot minimizing my problems that I keep them to myself... and I don't know, I'm not suffering but at the same time yes... I feel like I don't fit in anywhere, I feel ugly, useless, alone, but... I'm not going to write more... because "I want to attract attention" or because "I am not suffering" because "people suffer more"

I came back... it's just... I feel absolutely nothing... I mean, I do feel... but I don't recognize what I feel, the only feeling I recognize is anxiety... I have so little emotional motivation that I don't want to do anything... and the only thing that gives me "pleasure" is the food… I would go anywhere right now to start a new life… meet people and not feel so alone… gosh… I can't even trust my own family to understand me… I hate everything… I want to be able to express myself… let off steam… without anyone nor do I minimize my problems... without feeling judged and really let off steam, feel free when I do it... relieve myself when I do it... not just talk... To later make an excuse to cover that vent and for everything to return to normal... supposed normality, because nothing changed.