Tw for Suicidal thoughts and SH and possible abuse?

Im so tired, I dont want to be alive anymore. Its been 4 fucking days, and all ive has thrown at me is constant belittling and yelling. My mom thinks shes a great mom, and yea she can be, but not when shes constantly yelling at you for getting your tone wrong and hitting you with items "as a joke". I told my mom i think im autistic but clearly that didn't mean shit because still, none of my needs are being met
All ive gotten is constant shit for things that I've done wrong in the past. I said a shitty thing the other day and i have acknowledged that, Ive apologized as well
I didnt ask for forgiveness but i didnt ask for constant screaming and ignorance or pain either. I want to fucking kill myself, I'm barely making it day to day and all the help i get is being fucking belittled. Im so tired i just want to disappear