i hate her but i dont

i have a friend, she always seems to be better than me at everything. i don't hate her i just hate the fact she is always better than me.. she's skinnier, nicer, supportive. nothing like me at all! i'm just fat, selfish and ugly. I always feel out of place. Sometimes my friend likes to tell me she's the black sheep and that no one likes her.. but in reality everyone loves her! even the guy i've loved for months loves her. i always wanted to be as wise, pretty and nice as her. whenever i needed something she would sacrifice her stuff for me. i feel horrible for talking bad about her like this but i just really need to let this out. my parents love her and i sometimes feel like they would secretly compare me to her. how skinny and independent she is while im just a lazy fat girl standing like her shadow. I want everyone to notice me, i want to be skinny, i want people to see me as the pretty girl with perfect body, nice personality and good grades but even if i try to get better i would always fall down and fail.