I don't feel happy

I just don't even wanna feel pain anymore. My family is used to hit me but I just don't wanna take it to heart but I don't know why they keep judging me and expecting me to remember anything. even if I vent to my best friends, they'll just take it as sarcastic joke. I don't even know why I'm here . My teachers love to call me out but I hate being watched or being embarrassed. I want to cry all my heart out in a sound proof room where nobody can hear more knowing that I'm there. 😊