just some venting ig

i barely get any sleep, and im wayy behind on school work. i want to make it a priority but i just dont care about it. i used to be so encouraged to do it when i was a kid, but now i just cant. its worthless to me. i dont see anything important to me, i feel stressed but im not doing anything about it. i want to be sad but i have no regrets. this has also been happening with everything else, like hobbies. i just dropped 3 hobbies recently because of this. i really want to do it, but a different part of me doesnt, it quit. this is eating out my mental capacity, im bursting out in emotion at the smallest things, and i end up just crying. two parts of me are conflicting very hard, and its causing random spikes and drops in my productivity, every spike i reward myself by being lazy, and thats the drop, so every drop i get a few mental breakdowns, get confidence to be productive, have a spike, then it just loops. im having trouble with keeping consistency on everything, even how i act towards people