Dad left when I was 3

My dad has manic depression. Even though I feel sorry for him I can still never forgive him. He left me when I was 3 and last I saw him was at 13(I just turned 14) and it was the worst time of my life. He is so aggressive and I don’t think he was taking his meds. He was drinking while driving getting into fights and arguing with everyone. I know it’s not his fault but I can’t stand him. He blackmails my family, dosent send us money for food, and randomly disappears