I think I need help

I’m worried I may need to see someone about my mental state
I have a lot of issues but my parents refuse to believe I have something wrong with me so I’m writing this out to get it off my mind
In short I may have an eating disorder and well as ptsd
I’ve always been picky with food ever since I was young I would get stressed out but trying unfamiliar food with different flavours or textures to the point I’ve been sick and passed out from having something new on my plate and it never got better I’ve always eaten the same group of food and it’s not the healthiest selection but I can’t eat anything new it’s feels like if you asked someone to touch fire, yeah you can do it but your brain won’t let you and it’s awful especially the pressure of others getting me to try thing feels like life or death

And with the ptsd is I am massively afraid of my friends dying, it might sound odd but back I’m my secondary school I was friends with someone who wasn’t a good person they had there own mental issues and they were not afraid to hurt and abuse me and my others friends. The only issue was my friends liked them so I couldn’t get away even if I found another group of friends because my sister was included in the friend group but long story short I noticed my friends where becoming progressive more sad and irritated it was small at first and I brushed it off as teenager angst but then the real fear set In after I found my sister self harming I won’t go in to detail but it got emotional and I was told the one all my friends where doing this to themselves and two they had made a suicide pack with their friend that abused us and purposely kept me out of it I then would get phone call from my sister and my friends during the night telling me they were going to attempt to take there own life and I would have to talk them out of it thankfully I managed to convince them but even till this day I wake up and fear that someone I cared about would no longer be alive and god forbid it was my sister I still get scared of phone calls and often either keep my self awake until I know everyone was okay or I’d purposely stay in bed to not risk receiving the news or having to answer the phone to anyone it’s emotionally exhausting but I can’t stop it’s haunts me I don’t even have the same group of friends anymore but the fact it happened and could happen again terrifies me but again I’ve been told I’m fine and don’t need to see someone about it but I’m reaching a point where I’m considering taking myself out so I don’t have to be so scared all the time or just isolating myself so I don’t have to have people to worry about anymore but in all honesty I think the worry will kill me if I don’t find a way to stop it I’m losing hair and I’m always tired