I need help

Every time someone asks if I’m okay I just say I’m fine. I’m really not fine, I feel shitty. But I can’t say that because I have no reason to feel shitty. I just hate everything. I want to die. Everyone’s ignoring me. I have no real friends. I can’t do this anymore. I REALLY WANT TO DIE. I’m so tired of living. I don’t even feel like I’m living I’m just barley surviving. I feel like I’m not even surviving. I’m just there. I don’t even want to say I’m existing because I don’t feel real. I really hate myself. Everything about me makes me want to disappear. I’m really about to end it. Why is no one noticing. WHY DOES NO ONE CARE. People always say they’re there for you but they aren’t. Liars. FUCKING LIARS. I wish I had the guts to end my life. I’m so stupid I can’t do anything right. I can’t even kill myself. I’m so pathetic. UGH I REALLY WANT TO DIE. I just want my time to end. I don’t care. Pass my pain on to others I felt enough. The only people that would care would be my family. No one else. They’d all get over it in a week. I’m so replaceable. There’s nothing special about me. No one can convince me I actually have a meaning, because I really don’t. Anything about me could be found in someone else. So why should I carry on. I’m so exhausted.

REMsleep · 41-45, F

Its really really hard to tell when you are in the mist of these emotions but your mind is playing tricks on you.
Life itself is a gift and a huge one at that. Its also painful, scary and sometimes lonely. Thats all part of being human. But if you feel hopeless just know that its not real. As long as you live things can change.
Others may be feeling just like you are too? Are you sure that you don't know someone who feels the same way that you do inside?
If you don't tell anyone then they won't know.