I need help

Every time someone asks if I’m okay I just say I’m fine. I’m really not fine, I feel shitty. But I can’t say that because I have no reason to feel shitty. I just hate everything. I want to die. Everyone’s ignoring me. I have no real friends. I can’t do this anymore. I REALLY WANT TO DIE. I’m so tired of living. I don’t even feel like I’m living I’m just barley surviving. I feel like I’m not even surviving. I’m just there. I don’t even want to say I’m existing because I don’t feel real. I really hate myself. Everything about me makes me want to disappear. I’m really about to end it. Why is no one noticing. WHY DOES NO ONE CARE. People always say they’re there for you but they aren’t. Liars. FUCKING LIARS. I wish I had the guts to end my life. I’m so stupid I can’t do anything right. I can’t even kill myself. I’m so pathetic. UGH I REALLY WANT TO DIE. I just want my time to end. I don’t care. Pass my pain on to others I felt enough. The only people that would care would be my family. No one else. They’d all get over it in a week. I’m so replaceable. There’s nothing special about me. No one can convince me I actually have a meaning, because I really don’t. Anything about me could be found in someone else. So why should I carry on. I’m so exhausted.

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AuRevoir · 36-40, M

What are your friends like? Why aren’t they real to you?

kxxys · 18-21, F

@AuRevoir I had this one friend who was mentally ill and I wasn’t there for her due to also being mentally ill and I didn’t want to trigger her or get triggered myself and the group started distancing away from me by making a whole group chat without me and meeting up without me and just not talking to me at all because they knew my friend was ill but they didn’t know I was because I didn’t want to talk about it and so they all turned on me. But then they “forgave” me but I recently found out they’ve been talking shit about me so now I just feel like I can’t trust them. They all turned on me because I couldn’t express what I was feeling.

AuRevoir · 36-40, M

@kxxys you need a change of pace and scenery.. try making new friends.. and actually be honest next time with others about your issues.. you’ve already proven bottling it up didn’t help you so much the first time around..

Keep reaching out for help instead of reaching for something that will only harm you instead..

Find new hobbies and interests.. new music that relates to you and your situation.. and get your rest when you need it as well..