venting w/ sippin2fast pt.2

aye during the summer i met dis guy n he treated me li his gf or wtv like he gave me the princess treatment n all so i took him seriously or wtv cuz i genuinely wanted to settle wit this guy which i did. so i lost my virginity to this guy or wtv n he cheated on me. so he left me for his ex n turns out he was cheating on her da whole time they got back together. keep in mind they always break up n get back so it was nun new. so she texts me n tells me everything so im li damn so we friends now or wtv right cuz shes 100% done with him this time. n she tells me everything he said abt me when they were back together. so i find out he was using me fa s3x or wtv n it jus got me so messed cuz i told this guy everything i went through with my ex and he just did me even worse. he'd make up lies abt me too till this day. n it effected me sm cuase im young and losing my virginity was a big deal for me but it was all in the moment but ik its no excuse. but even before i meet him my mental health wasnt good so after that whole situation everything went downhill and i started to SH again after promising my ex bf id never do it again and since im not 100% over my ex i just felt so much guilt. idk damn im just so messed up mentally and physically rn and i jus dk what to do. i tried to explain but no one understands me because they dont think its that big of a deal.