different friends over years but now i dont really have any

well recently i've noticed that i dont have any close friends. really sucks ig i have some friends but i dont have any that im particularly close to. its pretty shitty cause i used to. But the summer before highschool started that friend decided to transfer schools without telling me and that sucked. but it was fine cause i was happy to still call and talk with them! and i talked with them almost daily for the summer, but then school started, and it was online since this was 2020. the new school year and i was starting highschool, that friend still kind of talked to me but not much, theyd take days to respond back and would respond back pretty dry so i eventually gave up, they obviously didnt want to talk to me. i still message them every once in a while but it sucks. actually that reminds me i always ask what they want for Christmas and go to drop them off a gift and the last year i got them the cute anime plush they wanted but even though i told them what i wanted (anything anime related) i got a sweater!! (that wasnt even my size) but its fine! i was glad to have a friend. anyways back to school starting i did have friends in middle school but they didn't message me much during online school and i made an effort to message them, but they never really made an effort to message me back really and i got used to it! yk it was fine i was online and i was okay with being alone in my room,, i quite liked it. Then i started playing video games , and i made a bunch of online friends! and i stikk know them now but they're never online anymore and they dont play the same games as we used to, and i don't really either cause i get people are busy. im very busy with school so i dont play much either not a big deal, we all outgrown people. ive gone through i think 3 friend "groups" online but its totally fine i loved all (most) of them. But during that time online i met this one girl we dont remember how we met (ik what game but im not exactly sure how) but i do remember messaging her one day and we instantly became friends! over the summer we played and called daily, it was such a great time if my life! i feel that i was mostly happy!! (besides all my mental stuff but dont mind that) i loved having a friend to play with and talk with! we were always with each other!! id message her first to play and sometimes shes message me asking to play! and of course we did. then 10th grade started which nothing really changed!! we still called all the time and played all the time, we'd match profiles pictures and bios and everything she was so fun to be with! but recently things have changed, well not recently,, its been a while. i dont really know what changed, but i noticed that i was always the one asking her to play or call and how she'd never message me first anymore. but at first i was okay with it!! at least she still played and talked with me right? :) but then she started being weird? sometimes id ask what shes doing and shell be busy and thats totally fine, but after a few hours shed message me that shes done doing whatever it was she was doing, and id ask if she'd wanna play! but then she tells me shes playing or planning to play with another person?? like whyd you tell me u finished if ur gonna hang witn somone else anyways?? and she also says that she'll message me when she finished doin whatever and she just wont :/ shell just play with somone else. i was over it we're still on each other's friend list but we dont really talk. i know she's active cause a mutual friend of ours asked me if she told me about how she started appling to colleges and i said no? and mentioned how she never messages me first and he said that she usually doenst message him first either but this time she did. why didnt she message me? i message her sometimes still and it hasnt been too long since i dont really talk to her. but who cares about that. backtracking to the summer after 9th grade. i had no friends besides my online ones and i remember signing up for summer school and my old elementary friend who i was still friends with (but we didn't talk much since we have no common interests but she's cool love her I've known her forever) she asks me if I'm taking thi same summer school class as her, and turns out i am!! so she invites me to this group chat with other people (her friends) also taking that class and apparently they also played that game me and my online friends play. so dying summer school (which was online) we'd always play that game, i loved life back then. i hate school, i loved online school, i loved having friends but that was then. 10th grade started and that was my new friend group i didn't really have classes with any of them but hey we did get to eat lunch together and i was glad to not be alone (even though i had no friends in any of my classes) it was okay. but then or friend group split in half to some drama i want really involved in but yeah it sucked. oh well and so i finish 10th grade and now it was summer again it wasn't too interesting this summer. alot of my friends are gone and my url friends didn't have time to hang out with our conflicting schedules BUT one day over the whole summer we did go to an amusement park and it was probably one of the most fun times if my life. i loved it. too bad it can't always be like that. now its this school year 11th grade same half friend group from before and this year theyre sitting with our same old friends from b4 they split and it was cool although im not to close with any of them. i don't feel i fit in. i have no common interests at all, I'm not in any of the same classes as them (think im in physics and theyre in environmental science) so i cant even talk about classes with them. so during lunch im kina just there while they all talk. but its totally fine!! at least im nto alone :) i feel like id have a better time in school if i had friends i was closer with, friends i could hang out with. like friends from class i have similar interests to them z but they already have their friend groups and i dont wanna just bud in and i dont wanna leave my friends now cause what if i just end up with no friends at all. ill be all alone. ah i miss having just one friend i was really close to, one i could always be with and talk to. i did have one friend in my friend group i was kinda close to. but first there was this girl that transferred into my class from a different state and i made friends with her. i introduced her to my friends and that one friend i was kinda close to. and now she's really good and close friends with that guy. they eat lunch together with these other people (that is the first guys friends who i dont like cause they're racist and homophobic a overall bad people) so i usually stay away from them even though my friend was friends with them. so now my old kinda close friend, the new girl i introduced him to, and those problematic guys are all together, without me. ah no friends again i guess. oh well that's my my life now up to this point! i dont have any close friends and im doing horribly mentally and in school !! but its okay i have my music :) thanks for reading and listening