my recent revelation

so im in highschool and ive always wanted to fall in love with somone like to have a crush of some sorts, but ive never had one and its pretty sad since im always hearing about how people I know having crushes or seeing media portray having a crush as something that makes people happy. like just liking somone can make the person so happy.

ive always wanted to fall in love or to feel loved. thats probably why ive been really wanting to be with somone recently but i realized earlier; that i probably only want to be with somone or to fall in love just because i think that i'll be happy if i do. but im also afraid cause i probably dont deserve it either and im also just afraid in general what if i dont achieve that happiness i was looking for, or what if my heart gets broken and i feel even worse than before. why cant i just fall in love like everyone else, i just want a highschool romance